This Is Why I'm (Not) Hot

A few weeks ago, I learned Target was rereleasing 35 dresses from previous Go International capsule collections. And I was thrilled. So thrilled I marked the sale date on my Google calendar and set an alarm for 8 a.m. Seriously.

I’ve been a fan of the Proenza Schouler aesthetic since the label launched about eight years ago, but I missed out on its Target frocks the first time around because my size sold out online (and in all local stores). I was determined not to let history repeat itself. Because let’s face it. Buying one of these mass produced Tarjay dresses is the only way this working girl will be able to add some Proenza Schouler to her wardrobe any time soon.

I especially like this PS rerelease:

I told my friend Cat that I was probably going to buy it.

I wanted to buy it. Cat wanted me to buy it.

Our email conversation about it went like this:

Cat: “You would get a lot of use of the PS dress! It is cute and would look good on a summer day or with a cute sweater.”

Me: True, true!

Cat: It’s so cute, do it!!

But I didn’t do it. In fact, I bought a completely different dress. This one:

Which, obviously, looks nothing like the Proenza Schouler dress. It wasn’t even designed by Proenza Schouler. (It was designed by Thakoon Panichgul.) So why did I buy it instead?

The PS dress is a lovely one that, as Cat noted, I could wear many times. I even think it would look nice on me. But it just isn’t...me.

It’s the kind of dress that would make a guy look twice at a girl. (Hello, bustier top.) And that’s precisely why I'll never own it. Which brings me to the crux of this post: I’m not hot.

Well, let me clarify: I don’t dress “hot,” i.e. in a manner that compels red blooded straight men to exclaim, “She’s hot!” (Case in point: That Thakoon dress. I mean, who’s going to hit on a girl wearing that? She could be hiding a second trimester pregnancy under that thing.)

Yes, I’m aware I’m making generalizations about the kind of clothing straight men like to see straight women wear. I know they don’t all have the same preferences, but if I surveyed 10 straight men this instant, I bet money less than two would favor the Thakoon over the PS.

Not that their opinions really matter, anyway. I don’t advocate dressing for men. (I could get all feminist on you and talk about the harmful effects of “internalizing the male gaze” and so on and so forth, but that's not my point here.)

Someone once said women dress for other women. But I don’t even do that. I only dress for myself and that’s why I end up buying things like, say, pleated sack dresses. (Geez, that doesn’t even sound appealing in writing.)

In fact, a survey of my closet revealed a propensity for birth control in apparel form shapeless dresses and tunics...

So I'm curious. Do you wear anything that most likely repels the opposite sex? And this question goes out to the fellas, too. (Trust and believe: not everything you wear screams "lady killer," OK?)

And why do you keep wearing it? Does it make you smile? Does it have sentimental value? Do you simply enjoy the horror and/or disbelief it inspires in the eyes of onlookers?

All the above? None of the above? (I like the way those loose dresses move, as silly as that might sound.)

Side note: I like to pair my muumuus with high heels. Because I like those, too. And don't tell me they're inappropriate for the workplace. Seriously.